Apathy

"Name" - The Goo Goo Dolls

*purple* - doesn't pertain to me
*blue* - does

"And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name

I think about you all the time
But I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name "


I really feel stanza four:

"You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name "

Maybe it was the divorce, maybe it was death, maybe it was the fights, maybe it was tv. I can't neatly tack it down and just say this is why I am this way. I'm a product of the 90s - what more do you want? Though I can still remember when MTV actually played music and VH1 was cool. Born in '85, but I think the growing up too fast happened in '95 - the divorce. "And now theres nothing left to believe, and reruns all become our history" My dreams are reruns, but I also could agree with that in a way, because I'm so detached from everything that I find it impossible to believe in anything. It's plaguing my entire generation, we're the 'we know but don't care', the apathetic generation. What our parents protested we sit back and watch on YouTube. I feel like the fourth line of stanza four is a metaphor for life in a way, "A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio", right now I'm thinking about it being an expression of the seemingly failed urgency of the message of survival regarding global warming - its been heard many times before, but yet it repeats over and over and still its like no ones really listening.

"And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away"

The dreams part I can agree with, but at the same time I don't really know if I really had them in the first place. But now that I'm thinking about it, I think one of the things that stole my 'innocence' (if there ever was such a thing), the blissfulness, worry-free playground of childhood was the disappearance of Sara Anne Wood in 1993. I went to school with her. I still to this day have nightmares that I used to have as a child, just they update themselves to go with the times. I wake up in the middle of the night with the voice of Lewis Lent in my head, words from the trial and media coverage I think. The letters part is like my blur of a memory, things moved around, put into different boxes over and over, and some pieces just got lost somewhere.

"Scars are souvenirs you never lose"

I think this is my favorite quote from this song. It's pretty self-explanatory.

Also, the last two lines from stanza 3:
"And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are"

I love these lines 2, I'm not sure what to say about them.


Why the song lyrics you might ask?

It seems I find myself more than anything in music. It helps me connect to the fragmented ends of me that lie scattered here and there, it helps me make sense of life. Its the one thing that I always can find my place in, be it moments, thoughts, feelings, relationships. What are we but the worlds we create for ourselves, for others? Music is universal, it connects everyone in some way or another. It's my self-reflection, its where I fit in. Its where I find who I am. I don't care if its cheesy or lame, its what I can hold onto when the rest of the world is falling out beneath my feet - its my ledge.